The home study - probably the most over-hyped portion of the adoption process. In reality, it is one of the easiest parts of the process. Here's what you do: Sit down and talk about adoption with your case worker. That's it. Dead simple.
Each of the four meetings we had spanned about 1.5 hours - they were tough to squeeze into my work schedule as I was involved in a fairly intensive project at the time, but thankfully, the client was local (i.e. no travel) and I had a very understanding boss (at the time).
The first meeting was purely introductory in nature and took place in our house. We gave our case worker a brief tour around our little bungalow rental. She paid little attention to the actual structure and condition of the home only remarking that it was "nice". We were worried about Cooper (our dog) and how he would react to her. He's excited to meet new people - a little TOO excited. But, he behaved pretty well for this one, and quickly paid no attention to her.She settled into our couch and began to ask us about why we wanted to adopt, having us recount our struggles with infertility and directing questions at each of us (it wasn't just an interview of the mother-to-be). She then gave us an overview of the adoption process, from beginning to end. That was about it.
The second, third and fourth meetings, which took place at the AIAA office were more of the same, but introduced the layers of adoption that are less glamorous. The best analogy she gave us (in my opinion) was one of a layer cake. Being a parent is the foundation of the cake - adoptive parents have it no different than traditional parents. The second layer is adoption - adopted children face a variety of obstacles that most people don't (intense feelings of loss, abandonment, confused self identity, etc.) The third layer relates to cultural diversity, and the topic of becoming a "conspicuous" family (i.e. it will be quite obvious that Ryan is not our genetic child ... and this will be true every single time we're in public). Parents of adoptive children from other racial backgrounds have to balance all of these layers, and deal with issues from each. Not an easy task, and there is no amount of preparation that can make you perfectly suited for it - but, the case worker provides myriad resources to help in that preparation.
As part of the home study process we were required to take a number of online courses on each of the topics described. They were very helpful, but only scratched the surface of each topic. We were referred a huge collection of books that we've been reading through ever since (again, we've only scratched the surface of these books).
At the end of the fourth meeting, our home study process was officially complete. That's really all it was - just a series of conversations about the challenges of adoption, our reasons for pursuing it, and our dedication to ensuring we prepare ourselves on all fronts. It was a good experience that helped to open our eyes while firming up our decision to move to the next steps.
Our case worker "wrote up" her findings and comments on the home study. This document was a critical part of our adoption application. It was filled with errors (some were baffling), but we quickly corrected them and filed the final version with our agency. Our case worker lost the actual dates we met (somehow) - so, we had to provide this information to her (again, sort of baffling) ... since the home study, we've only heard from our case worker when the referral arrived (more to come on that topic in a future post) ...
So, not too bad. In brief: If you're just starting the process, don't worry about the home study. It's easy.
Here are a few photos. Some of the nicer features are the leather chair in the corner (we picked one up on Overstock.com ... not too bad, but not the nicest chair in the world ... but, it was 1/3 of the price for something from Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrel). His crib, dresser, changing table, etc. came from JC Penney. Nice stuff I think, and very reasonably priced. We grabbed an ipod dock (JBL Soundstage) from Best Buy (for bedtime tunes) - also pretty nice (we're planning to drop our iPhones on it while streaming Pandora's "Children" channel). It's a nice little room. Cooper has been walking in there on his own just to hang out. He's excited for "the baby" to get here.
After we completed the home study process we were told by AIAA that it would take 3-4 months for a referral to arrive. The wait times for a referral from Korea are a fraction of those for other countries. It was just over three months when we got the call that our referral was in. Even though it was a relatively short wait, patience were difficult to find some days (nothing has changed on this front!). All of this anxiety went out the window the day we got our referral call.
Before accepting his referral we had to have his medical history reviewed by a doctor within the U.S. Our case worker gave us a list of doctors that could review his information. As soon as we got home that evening I called one of the doctors on the list and we scanned and emailed her all of his information. The following day she called us to inform us that he is very healthy! That was a great relief. Later that day we called the agency to officially accept this beautiful, sweet, and healthy baby boy as our son. We are so lucky!
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