Friday, April 23, 2010

Why's that white guy carrying an Asian baby?

We knew it was coming - all the books prepared us for it - but it was still a shock when it happened. And it wasn't the first time. But, we had another patron of the Somerset mall audibly call out the conspicuous nature of our family this evening. This time it was a teenage boy - here's how it went down:

Setting: Express, Somerset Mall, Troy, MI
Me (Joey) carrying Ryan
14 year old (or thereabouts) boy, to his girlfriend: "Why is that white guy carrying an Asian baby?"
Me (mentally): What did he say?
Boy and girlfriend: Notices that I heard him ... walk briskly away, awkwardly ...
Me: Turn around and pursue the young guy, slowly
Boy: Grabs girlfriend ... quickens pace towards store exit while looking nervously over shoulder
Me: Begin casual pursuit
Boy: Stops at women's clothing shelf ... examines latest fashions (tops)
Me: "Did you want to ask me something?"
Boy: Acts like he doesn't notice
Me: "Do you have a question for me?"
Boy: "No"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Boy: "Yes"
Me: Walk away ...

He didn't say anything wrong, or bad. 14 year old do these kinds of things. But I was upset. I was hoping he would ask me the question directly - then I would have been able to explain the reasons for my Asian son being in his current position, and hopefully the young man would have learned something. A great education opportunity wasted ...

... or maybe not. I think it's a good thing it happened. Kari and I learned a lot from the unfortunate exchange, and the conversation that followed. We need to galvanize ourselves for more exchanges like this so that we can prepare Ryan to handle them when he has to. It opened our eyes to the new reality we are in, and even more to the road that Ryan has before him - he is so unfortunately lucky. We can't protect him from the reality, but we can help prepare him to deal with it. The books tell you all about it, but it's much different when it's facing you in the form of a 14 year old boy who doesn't know any better.

4 comments:

  1. Love that you followed him!!LOL...I guess I was just oblivious since anytime in the past I have seen an Asian baby, I have been jealous that I wasn't the one holding them!

    Now that we have been home for a week, we have ventured out with Cooper a few times, & we get a few people who tell us how cute he is, but for the most part we just these stares....like they can't figure out why we have this Asian child!! Really annoying, but like you said, guess we have to get used to it & prepare Cooper for this!

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  2. Don't let some a-hole kid get you down ... especially some a-hole kid from Biiiiiirrrrrrrmmmmmiiiinnnnnngam !!!

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  3. Teenagers...groan.
    Yes, good to prepare yourself. Unfortunately, not every incident will be an educational opportunity. But...I bet that kid will remember this interaction...and hopefully learn from it...even if you didn't get to formally say anything at all.

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  4. Hey guys,

    Its always hard when someone questions something about your life in a rude way, and especially difficult when its about your family. I'm a true believer in the message "Preach the gospel always, use words if necessary." This young man may have actually spoken his question out loud... but many others will silently think it. The thing is, you don't have to follow them or be able to use words to answer their questions (unless they directly ask you something...and you will learn and become accostumed to answering these questions with grace as well over time). You are a picture to the world of an adoptive family. Everyone that comes in contact with you will get a glimpse of the miracle that is adoption and learn something...whether you try or not. The interaction between you guys and your son, your happiness and his... will be an image that stick in their minds, and you will have had to say nothing. Not every opportunity will be your chance to teach them a detailed lessons... some opportunities are just planting seeds, and it's God's work to let them grow.

    Trust me, we've fielded the looks and questions and comments as a result of adoption, or our large family or what have you. But remember, you don't owe them an explanation and at the same time while their questions are approached in a rude way, they are asking... they are curious... So its your chance to be the good picture, the beautiful image, and showing the world the beauty of God's work. If they have issue... it's their loss, don't let it bother you, you have joy.. you have love, and a beautiful family!

    God Bless,
    Carrie

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