Venting

Waiting is hard. No matter what the wait is for, it's hard. I can't even describe in words what it feels like to wait for a child. So much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Maybe it's because my house is filled with pictures of this precious little baby and I sit and wonder day after day what he is doing, eating, if he is crawling, or what his smile looks like and laugh sounds like. I hate not knowing all of these things. The only pictures we have of him were taken when he was 4 months old. He's almost 9 months now. I'm doing my best to stay busy and to remain positive but it's so difficult. Each week that passes becomes more difficult and harder to deal with. I just want my baby home and in my arms. I know the end is in sight and we are so much closer than we were a few months ago, but I am having a hard time.

My newest obsession has become reading the adoption forum for families who are adopting from Korea. It's the only thing that reminds me that I'm not alone and there are so many other people waiting, some who have been waiting longer than I have and others that are in the same boat as me. Based on what I've been reading from the forum, there really doesn't seem to be an exact system that Korea uses when processing their files. It seems that some people are luckier than others when it comes to when their 'stuff' is processed. We don't seem to be as lucky.

The hope that Ryan will be home for Easter is slowly starting to fade with each passing day. He still has Christmas presents to open and if he's not here for Easter he will have an Easter basket filled with all kinds of things waiting for him. I even bought him the most adorable Easter outfit that I pray he can wear on Easter Sunday. It would be his first holiday home and I can't tell you how happy that would make me.

So the wait continues. I hate waiting and for those of you who know me best, know that I am not very good at it. I do appreciate my husband, family and friends for their love, support, and prayers. I couldn't get through this without all of you!!!